Parenting a Person With ADHD: Chapter 6

This post may contain affiliate links. Please view our affiliate policy and our terms and conditions here. I am not a mental health professional, all the opinions in this post are my own and reflect what has worked for me. None is of this is given as medical or professional advice. Please seek professional advice in the matters of mental/physical health should you or a loved one need it.

This will be the final post in this series. If you have not already, please read the previous chapters to get an in-depth view of each category. Also feel free to go back and look over the skills, it takes time and practice to hone them.

This post is gonna be short and sweet! The links for the previous articles are above and you can reach out to me or your therapist with questions.

I started this series with the intent to spread some love, understanding, and skills to parents like myself out there who are trying their best. Even though this series is geared towards being a parent of a defiant child, these skills can be applied to many aspects of life and to other kids who you have close connections to.

There are lots of helpful books out there, but I’d like to share the one’s we found to be most useful to us.

  • Mindful Mantras: This is a group of 8 books total (they may have added more since then) and we love them! My son loves to read them out loud himself too. They are simple, encouraging, and have a different defined message clearly implied from the title.
  • Mindful Monkey, Happy Panda: This is one I found to even be helpful for me. It keeps mindfulness simple and explains it in a way everyone can understand.
  • Angry Octopus: This one is extremely helpful to teach kids that they are in control of their bodies and it shows them how to do that through progressive relaxation that is both engaging and relaxing. It also has a fun journaling/coloring book with prompts geared towards getting feelings out and relaxation.

I hope that you gained some insightful tips on this journey with me! Until next time, be well!

Parenting a Person With ADHD: Chapter 4-Deep Breathing and Other Tools

This post may contain affiliate links. Please view our affiliate policy and our terms and conditions here. I am not a mental health professional, all the opinions in this post are my own and reflect what has worked for me. None is of this is given as medical or professional advice. Please seek professional advice in the matters of mental/physical health should you or a loved one need it.

Holy heck it’s been awhile since my last post! Needless to say, life got rather crazy there for a little bit but that’s a story for another time . Without further ado, let’s get into it and back on track!

If you haven’t read the first parts in this series here are the links:

This post is going to focus on tools/skills to be used in the heat of the moment. These are helpful for adults to learn themselves and teach to kids. These also work best when you the adult are doing these with your own emotions and stressful moments.

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By far one of the most helpful skills we utilize (with ourselves and our sons) is deep breathing. We use it when the energy is too high and the kids are bouncing off the walls; when any of us are getting upset and starting to loose our patience; and we use it in both the calm down corner and time-out.

I have to say it’s extremely gratifying to hear your kiddo using their deep breathing exercises (that they used to fight you on) all on their own while they are seated in the calm down corner or on time-out. We had that success roughly a year into working with our counselor and implementing these tactics, which seems like a long time when you’re in the thick of it but looking back, that year flew by quickly.

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There’s a ton of variations on how to do deep breathing and make it fun for kids (your counselor may have some books that make it fun too! See Chapter 6 for some we used) but our kiddo likes the “snake breathing” the best. You take a slow deep belly breath in through the nose then you breath out making a “SSSSSS” sound while keeping your breath controlled and steady. Do this at least 3 times, I find 5+ is best, and see who can make the sound the longest!

We often do this right before bedtime, and it helps set the mood and mind for the next steps (usually lullabies) of the nightly routine.

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The other tool we used was the S.T.O.P skill. It’s ultimately an acronym for: S-Stop what you’re doing, stop engaging, stop moving, just STOP. T-Take a step back, both mentally and physically, to pull yourself out of the situation and get out of your emotional state. O-Observe, how you are feeling, how others are feeling around you, put yourself in their shoes and try to see how they are experiencing this interaction. P-Plan what your next step is now that you have removed yourself from the heat of the moment, gotten some perspective, and seen the situation from all sides.

For our son this was some pretty advanced stuff and he worked with it like a champ. The reality is, we just introduced this skill to him to start the process of learning and practicing it. Because that’s what this is all about! We all have heard “practice makes perfect” but there is no such thing as perfection, it’s an illusion. I prefer “practice makes permanent”. The more you do something the better you know it and how to do it and are more likely to do it in the future.

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Sometimes there are outbursts that my son has where I just kinda have to to let him come down on his own. His therapist described it as “letting the train get through the tunnel” and once he’s able to see the light on the other side and rejoin the rest of us, I’m then able to use the skills above or talk about how he got to that high level of anger or whatever other feeling he was having. We usually end this discussion with a hug it out session .

Sometimes the best thing you can do for your kid….is nothing. And it’s not doing nothing and acting like you don’t care. You’re doing nothing while still being available; you’re giving them space (and respecting their individual needs) while keeping the boundaries in place and showing that you are consistent and can be counted on to be there once they chill out and need a hug or snugs.

What’s your go to skill for calming yourself or your little one down? Tell me about it in the comments.

Next time: Parenting a Person With ADHD: It Takes a Village

Dealing With Those Hard Days

This post may contain affiliate links. Please view our affiliate policy and our terms and conditions here. I am not a mental health professional, all the opinions in this post are my own and reflect what has worked for me. None is of this is given as medical or professional advice. Please seek professional advice in the matters of mental/physical health should you or a loved one need it.

I’m gonna start this post off with a trigger warning. It’s not regarding violence or addiction but this subject I’m about to broach can be a really sensitive one for some. I strongly feel this is a conversation we need to be having more often and normalizing, both within ourselves and with our peers. It needs to be a conversation without judgement and with lots of room for grace and understanding. I ask that we practice kindness to yourselves and others.

There are some days when I don’t like my son. This is a hard feeling to have as a parent, and it’s even harder to talk about. I love my child, I jump through hoops frequently to give him what he needs…but it doesn’t change that some days he acts like an asshat and is hard to be around. This topic usually sends most people running for the hills when brought up in casual conversation. Whether it be they are scared to discuss it with others, or scared to admit that they’ve had these feelings themselves; we as parents still need to address this turmoil inside that some of us face.

If I tell you that while growing up there were days I didn’t like my mom, you wouldn’t blink an eye; most people struggled with parental relationships as a youth. Some of us still do as adults.

So why is it such taboo if it’s the other way around?

Why are we, as parents, left to feel guilty when we don’t want to hang out with the screaming jerk-face that just happens to be our off-spring? If it was any other jerk-face behaving that way people would be telling us to get the heck away from them!

But for some inexplicable reason the tables turn when the culprit is someone you’ve had a hand in creating and/or raising. The funny thing is though-WE DON’T CHOOSE OUR KIDS! We don’t choose who they are from birth and we don’t get to choose who they become. Certainly, we have the job of guiding them down better paths but we are not the one’s in the drivers seat, much as we may want to be sometimes.

Yet somehow we allow others to convince us that if only we did this thing instead of that, then everything would have ended up perfect for our child. We tell ourselves “I should have done this better, I should have handled that differently” and while yes there is always room to improve, we are forgetting the reality every parent faces: that children don’t come with an instruction manual, and even if they did each child would require their own version. They are all different people. They are all unique and individual.

What works for calming my eldest right now, will likely not work for my littlest when he gets to crossing that same bridge. And how my littlest knows I love him is different than how my eldest receives my love. Both wants snuggles when they are sick; both are busy and active on a constant basis. But each has a very different relationship with me. I love them equally, and that is with my whole heart; however what they need from me as a parent is varied and different. It is unique and individual, just like them.

So although we cannot choose who are children are or will become, we CAN choose to love and accept them as they are. I make that choice, everyday. Because love is a choice, it is work and commitment. Regardless of the attitude or behaviors being thrown my way, I do my best to remind each of my boys that they are loved and wanted and they are special, to the world and to me. Even on days when I don’t like being around them, I still love them with my whole heart. And I let them know it.

Luxury Beauty On A Budget: 6 Must-Haves

This post may contain affiliate links. Please view our affiliate policy and terms and conditions here. I am not a medical skin care/esthetic professional. All of the opinions in this post are my own and reflect what has worked or not worked for me. None of this is given as medical or professional advice. Please use common sense and follow all safety and manufacture instructions when using any products in your own home. Use these at your own risk. Method-To-Madness does not assume any liability for injuries or damages caused by products or methods listed on our site nor are we responsible for any medical costs associated with injuries or damages. Please seek medical or professional advice for personal issues should you or a loved one need it.

Luxury Beauty items can be so productive for your esthetic goals but so cringy to your bank account. You can have luxury without that luxurious price tag, I promise you it can be done! I’ve complied a list of 10 items that can change your self care routine and not have you scrapping the bottom of the barrel until pay day.

Sleep Mask

This is the eye mask both my husband and I wear. It’s soft, flexible, gentle on our skin, and above all doesn’t press on our eyes. It also blocks out ALL the light, I can sleep with the lights on as long as I have this-no joke! These are a good option if you’re looking for budget friendly and still high quality. If you have lash extensions however I would recommend this one. A little larger price tag, but not by much, and it gives you the room to avoid having those lashes catch on anything. Sleep masks in general help you sleep sounder and longer. If you find yourself waking in the night-try one of these out. They are life changing.

Silk Pillowcase

I’ve discussed before how amazing these mulberry silk pillowcases are, so I won’t ramble. But these are a great investment item for beauty care. They benefit your skin and hair by decreasing friction-therefore avoiding wrinkles on your flesh and breakage on your mane. If you do have the budget and want to do some serious splurging you can TREAT YOURSELF to an entire silk sheet set. That’s some #lifegoals for me though.

Face Oil

If you haven’t jumped on the bandwagon that is face oils, now’s the time! Our skin craves oils that are good for it and there are so many benefits to be had from the right oil for your skin type. Pacifica’s Super Flower Rapid Response Oil is a good all around place to start if you’re new to the oils crew, as well as a personal favorite of mine. This is one of the only products I’ve used that IMMEDIATELY got rid of my redness from a reaction. It’s soothing, smells amazing, and has so much goodness pack in. If you’re looking for an upgrade though try one of these from Herbivore: Lapis, Emerald, or Phoenix. They’re spendy but by golly Miss Molly are they worth it! My favs are Lapis and Emerald-it’s a tie. Plus you can use these or any face oil with the next item on our list.

UPDATE: Use this link to get 15% off your herbivore botanicals order. They just got their jewel box back in stock and you can try Lapis, Emerald, and Phoenix oils plus 2 of their best selling resurfacing serums all for under $60. That’s not including the coupon, so it’s even lower.

Gua Sha Face Sculptor

This is one heck of a tool set I’ll tell you what! And you can see instant results when you do the technique correctly. I recommend you look up YouTube videos and seek out the professionals, there’s some great tutorials. I like this set because it comes with all the various styles for full body sculpting. If you prefer rose quartz then this is the one for you. I feel like I should mention-don’t waste your time with the rollers. There I said it! I’m sure I’ll get haters but seriously they don’t do much especially when compared to gua sha.

Micro Needling Tool

Micro needling can be a great way to get your skin preforming at its best. Basically you cause little tiny injuries that then trigger your skin to produce collagen and repair itself, also improving texture and tone. This is the one I use, I got it specifically because it has multiple heads that you can change out without having to buy a whole new wand each time. If you have a lot of scarring though you may want to look into a higher end model. People have some very successful results. Always consult with your dermatologist first.

*Warning*make sure you are practicing aseptic techniques, and change heads/cartridges’ regularly per manufacturer instructions to avoid infection.

Sunscreen

We all love a good sunscreen that does it’s job well without a crazy price tag or extra additives. Well Raw Elements gives you just that! They have an entire line of really great products that are both better for you and the environment we all share. Reef safe, non-nano zinc oxide, 95% organic, various options for application (stick, bottle, metal tin), and even a tinted version!

These are all great things to add to your repertoire of beauty care, without breaking the bank. Plus we got to check out some of the higher end things that compare!